Choose to Honor God As We Grieve
Irene was a social butterfly, a people person like her father, Cyrus. Making friends was effortless for her; she had the gift of giving of herself and had great empathy for others. But she and I had much in common and I looked forward to the things we would do together someday. We were both tomboys, night owls, avid readers, and we both enjoyed watching Food Network and cooking.
God greatly blessed us by giving us ten memorable years with our daughter.
Like most parents, Cyrus and I had hopes and dreams for Irene – building a close relationship with her, watching her complete high school and college, and proudly looking on as she got married and started her own family. But God had other plans. So, from the day she went home to be with the Lord fourteen years ago until today, every thought, emotion and action to honor the Lord is an intentional choice.
His plans are always good
Although we may never know the reason for Irene’s death on this side of eternity, we do know that God’s ultimate goal in permitting her death was not to harm, destroy or break our family, as Jeremiah 29:11 says: “For I know the plans I have for you” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
His goal is always to prosper us, not harm us.
His plans are always good and right, no matter how much they contradict ours.
This we know for sure because the Word of God says so.
“For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways,” says the Lord. “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts” (Isaiah 55:8-9).
As we grieve, there are a gamut of emotions available: anger, bitterness, resentment, regret, indignation. It’s like we are demanding an explanation from God, as if He owes us any. But WE choose God’s best, even though many times it is not the easiest choice.
Satan, the author of sickness and death
I believe one of the major reasons for unbiblical anger toward God that persists for years is a distorted understanding of where death and sickness originated. This hostility often causes people to turn from God and the church when a child dies.
The Lord Jesus says: “The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy” John 10:10a.
We tend to forget this clear warning and truth in the heat of grief. Satan, the deceiver, is the author of sickness and death.
We also cannot stress these two truths enough:
Our view of God or the order of where we place Him in our lives will dictate how we respond to tragedies, therefore revealing who we are.
Our love for our children and where we have placed them in our hearts will dictate how we respond to God when tragedy also hits our children.
It is natural and biblical to express grief and sorrow. It’s natural to feel pain, heaviness, anguish, and bitterness in our spirit and even in our physical bodies. However, what we do with these feelings reveal what we believe about the Word of God and, ultimately, what we think about God Himself.
Grief can destroy lives
We concur with evangelist Charles Spurgeon when he pleads, “My dear friend, when grief presses you to the dust, worship there!”
Grief is a real pain beyond expression, especially when a child dies. It can destroy your family, your mental state/health, your job, your friendships – and especially your relationship with the Lord. The collateral damage of grief, which pulls you down in an uncontrollable spiral, affects everything in its path. That's the inevitable price we pay when we choose to handle grief in the flesh.
Like most of you, I occupy many roles in a day’s time. I’m a wife, mother, grandmother and friend, to name a few. One of my roles is a grieving mother. I had to bury my 10-year-old daughter, who drowned in our neighbor’s pool, while I was away doing door-to-door evangelism. I have my moments, even after 14 years, and those moments will continue until I see Irene in heaven. But, if I put on my “Grief Hat” and allow that to take over my entire existence, what space is left for my other roles? I MUST allow the soothing balm of His Spirit to fulfill one of His many roles, that of the Comforter. I must allow and trust that He is sufficient!
Cyrus and I are just an ordinary couple who rely upon the Father and the truths in His Word, allowing them to wash over our grief repeatedly, much like the waves on the beach. Those waves can turn jagged rocks and broken shells into smooth, beautiful sand. We cannot stress the importance of biblical literacy and choosing to see and process our emotions from a biblical perspective. So, we grieve, and we are transformed by Him.
God's grace … what an amazing thing it is!
Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God (1 Corinthians 10:31).