Are you really living for Him?
Fair warning! This blog may seem a bit selfish.
My hope is that you will trudge through the “selfish weeds” with me and make it to our destination, which is a picture of God's unmerited favor and grace in my life.
I never imagined I would make it to the age of 50. BUT, here I am!
My adoptive mother served as a medical missionary in the Central African Republic for 40 years. She once told me a story about when I was an infant.
One time, when she had to return to the United States for emergency medical treatment, she left me in the care of a local family in the village for a few months. However, the milk powder she'd allotted for my feeding during her absence was misused and ultimately depleted – malnutrition began to set in.
Waiting to die
By the time she returned, I was sleeping with my eyes open, unable to eat from a bottle, and in her words, my body “had already begun the death process.” The French doctor in the next major town of Bangassou told mom that I would be nothing but a vegetable if I lived. But God, in His providence, had already decided I would be here today to tell you this and maybe a few more stories.
He has brought me back from the brink of death many more times. I can vividly remember the time I almost drowned around the age of 10 in the Basse-Kotto River. ALMOST!
These are just a couple of examples of God’s mercy in my life. I’m sure there are many more of which I’m not aware—but all were undeserved.
I never really had a sense of belonging. I struggled throughout my teen years. I rebelled against everything and everyone who looked and smelled like an authority figure.
As I've shared many times, I was raised in a Christian home and learned to read at a young age, partly because we read through the Bible every year. I was never influenced by secular music or television, but boy, did sin run deep in me.
Obedience out of fear
As you know, being raised in a Christian home, reading through the Bible every year and attending youth ministry classes does not guarantee salvation. I understood the importance of obedience in my early teens, but I was still spanked – a lot! I was a mess! However, when I did obey, it was not out of a spiritual conviction or repentance. It was purely out of fear.
In my 20s and 30s, I was riddled with many fears. Fear of dying and leaving my young children without a mother. Fear of my husband, Cyrus, leaving me. Fear of not belonging and fitting in anywhere. That’s just the short list! These fears and insecurities had a significant impact on my friendships and marriage. Poor Cyrus!
I was married with three children before I finally called out to God. To say my life has never been the same would be an understatement.
As I look back, I wasted most of my first 50 years of life, and my prayer is that God, in His grace and mercy, will redeem that time for His glory and purpose because nothing is truly wasted in His economy. So, in ALL the situations I’ve survived, whether they were brought on by my disobedience or permitted by God, I’m determined to use EVERYTHING in my life for His glory and honor. As we come alongside the women and children who cross our path in Julie's Heart Cry ministry, that is my hope now more than ever.
Using my life experiences
Here are just a few of my experiences I draw on as an aid in this ministry, and above all, dedicate to His glory:
The death of my biological mother at the hands of abusive, untrained midwives
The drowning of our 10-year-old daughter, Irene
The care I gave my adoptive mom for four years under hospice before she passed
The homegoing of my adoptive mom’s coworker, Edie, who was a mother to me as well
The kidnapping of my two sisters, along with other ladies, by a radical group
The murder of my brother by that same radical group
Our daughter having two children out of wedlock
Having adult children who do not know the Lord
I implore you to evaluate your life in light of eternity and all the situations through which the Lord has brought you. All of your circumstances – good, bad, and ugly – are ultimately meant to bring honor and glory to God, whether privately or publicly. So, let's decide now to praise Him, in it all and for it all.
Let's pray for each other to remain faithful and steady in what God has called us to do and what He permits to come our way. As sure as the sun will rise tomorrow, if the Lord tarries, we will face trials. When those trials come, they will reveal who and whose we are. May those around us, in those moments, see Christ in us … the hope of glory.
I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. ~ Romans 12:1, ESV